A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
