what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
