he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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