Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
