Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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