Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
