Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
