Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
