i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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