Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You are the jesus of drinking
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
