Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
