Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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