I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
