she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
