remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
