oh god the rape fog is back!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
