Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Randomize
