So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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