don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
