Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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