how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
