She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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