you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
