dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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