dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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