Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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