How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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