In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
