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update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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