i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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