All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
