My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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