Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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