So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
