Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
