Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
