i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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