yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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