Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
