No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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