please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
