dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
