Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You ruined the universe
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
