I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
