I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
