Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
