Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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