I bet he comes in French.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
