textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
