Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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