The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
