Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
